In Which Sheppard and His Team Make a Friend
by donutsweeper
Summary: Sheppard and his team come across someone unexpected in the woods one day. The mission report that follows is a bit hard to believe. Second chapter added.
1. The Meeting

The team had followed the path into the forest. So far it didn't seem any different than any of the other forests they'd walked through on any other world through the years. They'd been walking for a while and had passed no signs of settlements and, even better, no signs of the Wraith. All in all it was a rather pleasant trip, despite Rodney's mumblings about missing lunch or Ronon's harrumphs whenever Teyla commented on the tranquility of the trail.

Suddenly Sheppard stopped short. He'd heard a noise. It wasn't a cricket or a bird but a_ tra-la-la rum-tum-tiddle-um-tum _sound of someone humming to themselves.

"Hallo!" someone called out from the clearing just up ahead.

Sheppard and Ronon approached, scouting carefully, but there was no one there.

"Hallo!" the voice called again.

Sheppard and Ronon peered up the tall oak tree that stood in the middle of the open space.

"Hello?" Sheppard replied, cautiously. As far as he could tell the only thing up the tree was a rather large bear.

"I don't suppose either of you might lend a hand?" the Bear shouted down. "I climbed up here because I heard a buzzing noise."

Sheppard craned his neck to get a better look at the Bear. "A buzzing noise? Why would you go after a buzzing noise?"

"The only reason for a buzzing noise is if something is making a buzzing noise. And the only thing I know that makes a buzzing noise is a bee."

"A bee?" Sheppard sounded a bit confused.

"Oh, yes!" The Bear, it seemed, was very excited.

"What's so great about a bee?" Ronon asked as Sheppard gestured to the others for them to enter the clearing.

"Bees make honey," was the very matter-of-fact response.

"Yes, yes, we know that." Rodney didn't look up at the Bear. He was looking at his scanner. "And?"

"And the only reason for bees to make honey is for me to eat it," the Bear replied solemnly.

"Did you climb up there all by yourself?" Teyla might have been just a little bit worried. The Bear was very high up.

"Roo jumped up with me but then I got stuck." The Bear shifted to adjust his grip on the tree branch. "He went for help but now I am thinking I might fall and the ground is Very Far Down."

"It certainly is." Sheppard nodded. "I bet we could catch you though."

"I don't know...." The Bear thought for a moment. "I have not seen you in the Hundred Acre Woods before. Are you Woozles?"

"What the hell is a OOF!" Rodney began before being elbowed by Sheppard.

"No, we are not Woozles." Teyla replied, glaring at Rodney.

"Heffalumps?"

"Nope." Sheppard grinned. "I'm Colonel Sheppard," he explain, before pointing to his teammates and introducing them one by one. "That's Ronon, Rodney, and Teyla. Who are you?"

"Oh, do forgive me, I forget I am a Bear of Very Little Brain sometimes. I am Edward Bear, known to my friends as Winnie-the-Pooh and I am very pleased to meet you!" The Bear bent over to give a little bow as he introduced himself. "Oh no!" he cried out as he fell.

"Gotcha!" Ronon lunged forward and grabbed the Bear before he hit the ground.

"Oh, thank you!" said Pooh after Ronon set him down. "That was an Impressive Save. It deserves a reward. Would you like to come back to my house for tea?"

"Sure." Sheppard nodded. "We'd love to."

Rodney opened his mouth to speak, but shut it again when Sheppard glared at him.

"We would be honored," Teyla spoke up quickly. "Please lead the way."

"Come along then," Pooh said. He began walking down a small path as he muttered to himself, "hmmm, I wonder if there is any honey in my cupboards? A spot of honey would do quite well right about now."


	2. The Mission Report

Sheppard paused in the doorway. "Knock, knock," he said.

"Sam, what're these orders, scheduling sessions for my team with Kate? I thought we weren't due up for a while yet?

"Well," Sam said, eying him over her tablet, "there was the slight matter about your most recent mission report."

"What about it?" Sheppard ambled in, spun a chair around, and plunked himself down on it.

"You claimed you met a bear named Winnie-the-Pooh."

Sheppard shrugged. "Well, yeah. 'Course, he said his real name was Edward Bear, but he seemed to like being called Winnie better."

She leaned forward and lowered her voice. "You met a bear."

"Yeah. And his friends. Who were all animals too. I wrote it all up. What's the problem?"

"Winnie-the-Pooh."

"Ye-ah," Sheppard drawled, his eyebrows crinkling in confusion. "So?"

"You fail to see why I might send your team to speak to Kate Heightmeyer after submitting a report like that?" She held up a hand. "Now, Jennifer assured me that all of your blood work came back clear, so the only explanation is some sort of shared delusion... unless..." but she trailed off.

"Unless what?"

"This is all a test, isn't it? You're pulling my chain, playing the old 'mess with the new commander' game." She smiled. "Okay, I get it now. Very funny, Colonel. Very funny."

"Sam?"

"I expected more from you, John, I really did." She shooed him out of the room. "And tell Rodney I'm disappointed in him."

John got up, gave her a long look before shaking his head and heading for the door, letting her words wash over him as he walked away.

"-that the best Rodney could do? Really? That's just-"


End file.
